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This morning I went to a work interview for a babysitter job. I´ve always wanted to work with children but I really don´t have much experience with toddlers. The boy was super cute and a bit shy and I had no idea what to do with him. His parents were also there and I was so awkward, But I got the job and now I´ve been watching youtube videos about parenting for an hour. This will be really exciting even though I feel some stress about how this is going to be. How do you take care of a toddler? They´re just throwing things, running around and can´t focus. But they´re cute so I think it wil be great to get some positive energy in my everyday life.
I really want children in the future, maybe in 10 years or so. I think I want to adopt because there´s so many lonely children out there. I was adopted when I was 9 months old. During my childhood I often got questions like "Where are your real parents?", "Does your parents feel like your real parents?", "Why did you get adopted?". These questions are natural for children to ask because they don´t know better. But there was actually a lot of adults that´s been asking similar questions and it felt uncomfortable to answer because it´s really personal and I didn´t like to feel different.
The most exciting thing about having a biological child is to see how a combination of you and your partner looks like. Or at least that´s what I think. Or even if you do an insemination with a donor you can still see your own appearance in a little human. But it doesn´t really matter and I can assure you that you will love an adopted child just as much as you would if it you´d given birth to it yourself. I don´t feel like I miss my biological parents, because I don´t know them and I was blessed with really good parents from Sweden. But it would be really interesting to see what they looked like and if I have any siblings.
I don´t blame my biological parents for giving me away. There´s circumstances to everything and especially with the one child policy that ruled in China back then. I was found outside a school when I was a few days old and lived in an orphanage for a nine months. I don´t remember anything of this because I was so little but on the pictures from when my parents got me I had a weird haircut, wearing a yellow romper and looking really pale.
I saw a really interesting documentary about this in swedish called "De ensamma". One thing that really bugs me about these documentaries is that they´re mostly about adopted children who´s trying to find their "real parents". I can understsand that people want to know their background but being adopted isn´t always an endless search for answers. Unfortunately it was one of this cases in this film that took up way to much space but they also brought up the problem adopted children face with being in between. They grow up in a country with new traditions and culture but they doesn´t look like the other children even if their parents does. They know that they were born in another country but know nothing about it more than what their parents maybe could teach them by some books and films.
It´s always a feeling of having to be grateful and of course we are grateful but that doesn´t mean there´s no problems. It´s not impossible to overcome though, if we´re just open to the children about that it´s ok to feel this way and that they can ask as much as they want. Of course all families are different and some parents might be uncomfortable about this. But I was really lucky that my parents wanted me to be connected to China and made me watch movies and thaught me stuff they´ve learned. They bought chinese decorations that I had in a special box because it was to fragile for me to play with when I was so little. They even took me and my sister to China on a long vacation when I was twelve and she was nine. I don´t speak chinese but I can eat really well with chopsticks. I feel mostly swedish but chinese by heart.
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