MENY
I´m still unemployed and still bored. But today I actually cleaned the house. I went a little crazy with the cleaning spray though and started whiping the walls on the balcony. I was hungry and felt kinda menthal. Later today I´m doing a shooting for a movie with my mentor and the crew. It´s a short movie about the bdsm-scene in Berlin. It´s going to be a little more commercial than the stuff we usually do and we´re working with a really proffesional filmmaker. I really don´t know what to wear though. Fetish clothes are really expensive but maybe I can borrow something.
I don´t even know what were going to shoot though. I thought we were making a party scene on saturday but maybe that´s what we´re doing today? There´s some people who´s going to be there that I haven´t seen in a while so I think it´s going to be fun. The problem is that I´m not really made for movie star life. I get so bored when I have to make the same scen over and over. So I´m preparing myself and will try to stay calm. I´m feeling irritated today again but I think that it´s because I really need my space. It´s not like the guy I´m living with is up in my face all the time but just the fact that he´s here makes it hard for me to relax. Most of my Berlin friends are also out of town so i don´t have so many people to hang out with. I thought a new friend of mine were coming over today but he hasn´t responded yet.
But life is not all that bad today and I just really need to be more aware of my thoughts and focus on the positive side of things. I use to think that was so bullshit before but it´s actually really effective. I´m trying to be more mindful in my life because it´s really easy for me to just get swept away with my feelings. And if something feels a little bad I sometimes totally dig myself down in that feeling, deeper and deeper until it feels like total crap. There´s actually good things about to happen. I´m starting uni in october and I hope to be able to visit Sweden in september. I also really like to write this blog. But a lot of the times these days I´m just laying in bed feeling hopeless and unmotivated and I really hope it will change and I´m really going to try to change it.
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