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The classical "Klara has nothing to do so she does nothing" happened again. It´s just such a throw back to last summer. Well this time is not quite as bad because I have my babysitterjob, a boyfriend, some available friends in Berlin and also school. But I´m actually really unproductive and my general activity level is so low that it feels normal for me now. I sleep way to long and usually wake up in the afternoon. Then I´m maybe taking a walk, grocery shopping or try to study. Then it´s evening and I´m making food, watching a series, maybe try to study and then I fall asleep late. I feel like my productivity level is lower because I´m usually not awake during the day. Sometimes I am, usually if I did babysitting in the morning and manage to stay awake. But I´m just getting so tired all the time. I feel fine mostly though, I feel happy in general but I´m just so uninspired. I think that´s my biggest struggle at the moment. I want to write music but I can´t, I feel way to much pressure so I just give up. I´m trying to sit down with an instrument to play but everything just feels frustrating. This is a really common pattern for me and it feels really draining. Sometimes I come up with an idea. Some text, a melody or a chord progression but in general I´m getting nowhere with my songwriting. It feels horrible because it´s my thing and my dream but it feels like I´m failing because I can´t create anything.
Life is actually quite good in general. I have a lot of final assignments for school to do which I feel zero motivated about. I think I can manage to do them though. In one of them I have to write two songs and a journal (with academic references) about how I wrote them and it´s supposed to be handed in the 1st of June and I barely have anything so far. I might be able to take old songs and write about them but it just feels so useless. I did that last time when we had a similar assessment with just one song.
I´m hungry but there´s nothing good to eat. I had an inflammation in a wisdom teeth and had to have it removed. That´s why I´m not supposed to eat to hard food or drink hot drinks for a few days. I cheated today and drank a cider but I think I´ll survive. I don´t feel any pain thought, it hurt after the procedure but then it was all good. I´m actually really impressed by the dentist´s work. My earlier experiences of having teeth removed is not as peaceful as this one. I´m feeling tired now and think I will examine my fridge again. I have more to say but it has to be another day.
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