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The last couple of days I´ve been working at the elder home. It´s been a lot of fun but also exhausting and stressful, just like always. It´s feels really nice to have a free day even though I feel kinda tired and confused about what to do. I´ve been playing guitar and done some grocery shopping afterwards I went to a cafe nearby to eat cake. I wanted to sit down to reflect on life by writing in my diary but it was hard to focus. Maybe it was because of the party music that was playing in the cafe or maybe it´s just my mood today, I wrote some pages but couldn´t really get into the flow of writing. It´s hard for me to write this post too but I want to push myself to write and create even though I feel uninspired because it´s important to keep going and not just sit around and wait for the right moment all the time. I´m waiting for inspiration a lot and it usually doesn´t lead me anywhere so I´m trying to change my strategy.
One of the main reasons I decided to study music at university was because I wanted to be able to prioritise my songwriting and be able to focus on it. I also wanted to be surrounded by other creative people who I could share my thoughts and maybe collaborate with. Or I was actually also a bit sceptical about studying music with other songwriters because I was scared that it was going to be competitive and pretentious, but I really doens´t feel that way now. I´m looking forward to the next academic year at BIMM Berlin even if it´s crazy expensive and I will have to pay back to the Swedish CSN forever. Because now when I´m working so much I´m often to tired to play music and to do other creative things. My working moral is high and it´s important for me to do my work as good as possible which makes it highly prioritised for me. That´s why I´m often getting to tired to focus on my creative dreams when I get home. I clearly remember this from when I lived in Sundsvall and went to work all the time. Work inspires me sometimes but there´s a lot of uninspiring things to deal with over there to.
My head hurts because I´m so tired even though I slept many hours tonight. I want to make dinner before Kaspar gets home. I also bought him some alcohol free beer so I feel like a really good housewife today. I don´t think that I could do the stay at home life for real though, I would just get bored and depressed. Kaspar is also studying songwriting like me so he doesn´t really earn enough money to support the family either. Maybe it´s for the best.
Board game night in my mother´s apartment two weeks ago
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